Sometimes I like my music loud and wild. But sometimes I love to just sit still and play gospel songs. I love praise and worship songs. No matter how bad a day might have been, no matter what is going on in life; when I sit still and play stuff like that I feel empowered.
To sing praises to God is, to me, a deep process. If you sing a love song to your significant other you do it with passion. If you sing about heartbreak, you do it with passion. You feel every word you sing. That’s how a praise song should be sung, in my opinion. Yet in church people either sing with no emotion at all or with too much emotion; rolling over the floor crying.
I don’t go to church anymore. Sure, I went to church last christmas, and actually visited two churches on one day. But aside from christmas, I don’t really go to a church anymore.
It’s not that I don’t believe in God. I very much do. I believe in Him and despite of all the weird and crazy things I might do and say, I know He loves me anyway. And I love Him 🙂 I’m just not that down with most of His “ground control”.
I don’t really feel like I fit in with the so called “holy people” in churches I’ve visited so far. And I’ve seen plenty of churches in the passed 20 years… From protestant to pentecostal to charismatic churches, even catholic churches. From Asian churches to black churches to white churches. I’m not yellow enough, not black enough, not white enough for either. Which is fine.
I’ve seen so called Christian leaders like Benny Hinn demanding 1000 bucks a person as an offering from a poor crowd who all look like they hardly have a buck to spare. I’ve seen other pastors “raising money” for orphanages in third world countries, to then travel first class with their entire entourage and sleep in fancy hotels. All this, while the orphans hardly get a piece of bread or clothes to wear.
What bothers me is how fake people are in churches. Some only come to “prance” around in a fancy expensive outfits. In real life they have nothing to show for, so they make sure to “crush” the competition in church instead.
The happy plastic people, who stand in front row in churches with their arms held high and sleep with your husband or wife. The ones that gossip and talk shit behind your back and smile in your face.
And those people are considered “holy”…? We all make mistakes. But why fake it and pretend to be perfect? I’ve seen enough of what the “holy people” in churches are capable of. If I want to see fake plastic people, I could just open my doll house.
My mom goes to church almost every single day of the week. I have lots of respect for that. But when she returns with all these drama stories on what the backstabbing fellow church members have said or done, I thank God I choose to stay at home on a Sunday.
Instead, I have complete praise and worship days all by myself in my own livingroom. And I’m so in love with this song by Hillsong right now.