Every other weekend my father and I visit my grandmother. She is 95 years old, is a heart patient, an Alzheimer patient and her mobility is getting worse by the day.
Since grandmother is not capable of making important decisions by herself, my uncle has the authority over her life. He decides where she lives, what kind of care she gets. For years I’ve tried to convince my uncle that maybe it is better to move grandmother to a nursing home. I’ve tried talking about it with my father. “Nope, grandmother choose your uncle to decide. We can’t do anything.”
My family is… Darn it…. They get upset over the silliest things and will hold it against each other for decades. The fact that my father and I visit grandmother every other weekend took me years to be able to even visit grandmother every other weekend. If it were up to me, I’d come more often. If it were up to me, I’d take her in my house so that I can take care of her every day… But my uncle doesn’t want me to. He doesn’t trust my brother or my mother or me. It feels so powerless to be part of a family like that….
This evening when I got home from work, I saw 4 missed calls from my father. At first I thought it was another silly question about his computer maybe. But then when I called him, he told me that grandmother had a TIA [stroke] today and she hurt herself because she fell. In the hospital the doctors told my family that grandmother is definitely not capable of living alone and MUST be moved to a nursing home.
That what I’ve been warning the family about for years is now happening. Words cannot describe how ANGRY I am! Angry at my uncle, for the other relatives but also at myself for not being able to do something about it.
The only good thing about this, is that at least grandmother will have proper care day and night once she is in a nursing home. But first, she has to recover in the hospital.
I am so worried. She most of the time hardly understands what is going on. Of course people get old and suffer from all kinds of things and of course death is something that happens to all of us. But I really hope it won’t mean the end for grandmother just yet.