When my mom asked me what I wanted the most as a gift for my 4th birthday, as she recalls so vividly, I said I wanted a DJ Cat plushie. It was the one thing I wanted more than any other thing in the world back then.
Apparently, I was really determined to get this stuffed animal. My mother recalls that whenever she tried offering something else, I would throw a fit and get angry. Like any 4-year -old to be would, when denied something they really want…
But nope. Instead of holding on to the art of determination, now I am a master in procrastination. I am the Queen of excuses, I’ve got word for every lazy thing I do.
Funny how as a kid we have dreams and goals that certainly have to come true, seem completely unimportant once we reach adulthood. Isn’t it?
I don’t even know what a DJ Cat is, now. I had to Google it to find out that it was a kids show.
As a teenager I started to become less motivated to fight for what I wanted. I formed a vocal harmony group with a bunch of relatives, performed at parties and I think if we kept on we would’ve established somewhat of a name. That was the dream then. But something got in the way. I’m not even sure what. Probably something stupid. Whatever it was, it resulted in the group falling apart. And instead of dusting myself off and trying on a solo project, I kind of just allowed that dream to slip into the back of my mind as a giant “What if” to haunt me from time to time.
Sure I sing in church now. Yes I do this with some devotion. But part of me wants more, while another part is trying to accept that I just missed my chance a long time ago.
If only I was more determined to fight for my lifetime goals now that I am older. Like finishing those postponed painting projects I started, saving money for that trip around the globe and study Theology or finally recording a few songs.
I’m convinced there are lots of people out there just like me; dissapointed in and feeling like they’re underachieving.
What was the one thing you wanted to have so badly as a child, that doesn’t seem to matter much now that you’re older?
But God can make a way. Even when there seems to be no way. All He asks in exchange is full surrender and devotion.
My prayer now is this; Don’t let my love grow cold, light the fire within me again. Give me passion to live this life. There’s more to this life than living and dying. More than just trying to make it through the days. Don’t let it all come to waste and don’t let it all be too late. Tomorrow starts now, that new chance awaited for so long starts today. God be my guide through and through. Thank You.
Have a blessed Sunday.