He’s this little shit who I’ve been hanging out with for quite some time now. There’s always this strange vibe about the two of us, that neither of us dares to speak of. Usually we meet with a group of friends, so it’s not like I meet this little shit all alone.
Each time we meet, though, he blushes the moment we greet. He will start blabbering nonsense and giggle like a girl and always makes sure my favorite tea is already ready to drink even before I sit myself down in his comfy couch.
We laugh a little and talk about nonsense a little more and eventually do that what we scheduled the meeting for. His TV is usually already on. After the awkward greeting, he will make himself comfortable on his side of the couch, while I make myself comfortable on the other side of that big comfy couch. Together we watch whatever random movie we decided we wanted to see, while drinking tea and eating snacks and laughing at whatever silly thing we notice in the movie.
It rarely happens that we actually sit next to each other. Unless when we’re seated in 2 separate chairs in the cinema. Or that one time when we were visiting a group of other friends and there was only one spot left right next to him. The moment I planted my butt-cheeks next to his on the couch, I recall his face being bright pink during the first half of that night without being able to speak complete sentences. It was so awkward that at one point I decided to get up and have a smoke outside, only to have the little shit follow me to have a cigarette as well.
I… Don’t know what to do with this. What should I do with him, this little shit? He’s said a lot of times that he doesn’t want to date anyone. He keeps to himself most of the time. He rarely sends messages by himself. The other day when asked if he’d ever wanted a family of his own, he said he’d love to have a kids someday but that he couldn’t see himself committing to a relationship. He has said it quite often, ever since we started hanging out. And I’ve never looked passed it, because I wasn’t looking for a relationship either.
But now…. More and more lately, that same confusing little shit is getting to me. I don’t know if he is doing it on purpose, but whatever it is, I find it dreadfully annoying! Previously, I always managed to get rid of these delusional feelings eventually. Usually my way of fixing it is by avoiding to meet with him for a while until whatever he sparks up within me slowly dies along with my hope for humanity.
Lately, this method of avoiding and pretending there are no feelings, seems to fail me a little. The little shit confused even more than usual since the last meet. And I can’t seem to let it go or shake it off like I did before.
No way will I text him and tell him anything of these strange thoughts I have about him. But I have no better idea to fix this shitty situation. Confronting him will only make things more awkward. Because, he isn’t just any kind of confusing little shit. No, he is the kind of little shit that also becomes completely socially awkward and blown out disturbing in his attempt to… I do not know what it is he is trying to do in those moments…
For now the best thing I can do, I suppose, is to just fall back on the method I’ve known to use all along. And that is to just go and avoid the little shit as long as needed.