There’s just something quite dreadful about the typical conversations. “How are you? What are doing these days?” What’s there to say? I’m coping with life one second at a time and that’s about it. Now that sounded more depressing than I intended it to be. But that sentence right there; “Coping with life one second at a time”, basically answers those typical questions. But life isn’t basic. Things aren’t always typical.
I told everyone to leave me be for the weekend. No visitors, no church activities, no nothing. Just me, myself and I. I tend to have those moments each year around my birthday. More than usual. The desire to reflect on what I’ve done so far with my life…
Sometimes it feels like I am just not cut out to live a regular live with a 9-to-5 job. There’s a part of me that longs for the crazy lifestyle I had a few years back. Back then, I choose to live with a delusional wandering druggie for 5 years of my life. Something none of my relatives ever understood. And we did the most unusual things. We didn’t pay our bills, we’d just party day and night and travel from town to town, sleeping in a camper, a tent, the car, on the couch of a new-made friend, a squatting house or a cottage. We’d meet the strangest people. From long haired hippies who smoke pot and collect junk, to homeless refugees who try to make an honest living to crazy campsite proprietors. It was an interesting trip that lasted for way too long and I barely remember most of it. Probably because I was on substances during that period.
Like I said, it was an interesting trip, of which I’ve barely revealed the tip of the iceberg of. Let’s just say that I’m glad God helped me realize there’s no better drug than His love. And so I kicked the wandering druggie and anything related to that wacky lifestyle out of my system. Sure, I’ve had my fall backs, but I can state that I haven’t used anything for 2 years now. Yes, I still smoke cigarettes and on special occasions I enjoy a nice glass of wine or vodka lime.
And that’s a good thing, right?
But now I’m faced with trying to live that supposed “normal” life. And that’s quite the trick, really. I’ve been hired and fired for quite a few times during the passed months. Finding a normal 9-to-5 job is one thing, keeping it is another. It’s silly, but in my wandering druggie days I had a lot more interesting things to say during the typical conversation rounds. When people’d ask me how I was doing and what I had been doing, I could say stuff like: “I woke up this morning by the sound of a squealing wild hog munching on my food supply and I chased it away with my umbrella. After that we went to the crazy campsite owner to ask if we could use the bathroom, were given a shovel and were told to take a dump behind a tree. And now we’re here, scoring ourselves some free food and mind altering substances”. The conversations were so much more interesting then…
Now I’m just coping with life one second at a time. Thank God He has given numerous seconds to screw up and try again.