Cynical Bastar’d’ette

Apparently it is time for me to write one of those vague brainfarts again, I suppose. For it has been a while since I’ve done so.

Yada yada yada… Here I go:

I’m not much of a public speaker; I write instead. The pen is mightier than the sword, so they say. Writing down thoughts can help sorting out the chaos inside, if only for a bit. Reading back those written thoughts can help give you perspective on yourself and the thoughts you had.

A few weeks ago I signed up for this self-help thingy, for reasons I’ll leave unsaid. I’m not the type to cry for help easily. I might nag a bit on here, but to put myself in the vulnerable position of receiving help and therefore having to share my deepest fears and emotions is quite hard, actually. I rather dig through the dirt until I’ve dug so many holes underneath my feet that I have no solid ground to stand on. But honestly though; Keeping your balance in quicksand can be quite a challenge, I tell you.

Anyways.

So, the first assignment my self-help guide gave me was to write down my life story. Everything, from birth to current events and anything that happened in between. Now, we all have small obstacles and challenges in life that we must go through. To actually write all of them down one by one can be a challenge on its own. The deadline to hand in my life story was in fact last Friday. And since I’m such a procrastinator, I ended up writing my life story down a day before the deadline.  I tried my best to keep it as short as possible and ended up filling 13 pages.

Today I met with my self-help guide again. Of course my self-help guide read the whole thing. They thought it was well written. The only thing the self-help guide found bothersome was the high dose of self-Cynicism in my story. I tend to laugh things away, rephrasing things to make them sound less “bad”.

And now I have a new assignment; To re-write that same life story without any form of cynicism. Now that is going to be a tricky one! Because to be honest; I haven’t got a clue how not to be cynical at all. I can’t help it that every now and then everything feels, smells and looks like shit in life.

I don’t always think that way, though. Because bunny rabbits are fluffy and unicorns are awesome!

Yeah…. I’m tired, so I’ll leave it to this. Whatever this is.


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