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It’s already the end of July. The month flew by in the blink of an eye. Everyday feels exactly the same. And yet at the same time, some days don’t. Not old or new not middle school. Just random. The day has just begun, but I feel like I’m already done.

I wanted to leave it at that, but the WordPress AI insists I should add some fun personal anecdotes to this ongoing string of random sentences. For a more interesting read.

What’s the same?

Some days just feel the same. Maybe it’s because I’m still on sick leave from work, because I appear to have a burn out. My employer signed me up for a shrink to work that part out. Most of my days, I just sit at home feeling sorry for myself. Then in the weekends I put on my happy face and visit the family members. Because family is important.

Friday we went to my mom. She made bubur ketan hitam for us and we watched a movie together. My mom ate too much Durian cake and thanks to that she had a stomach ache, so she went to bed early. I was worried for her. But thankfully she felt better the next morning.

Saturday morning we had breakfast, homemade croissants made by my boyfriend and me. Later that morning we met up with my brother to go visit dad together, who lives in a retirement home on the other side of the country. My brother hasn’t visited my dad that much, but it’s nice that he’s joining us whenever he can.

Next on the list was visiting my mother inlaw that same Saturday for dinner and a pubquiz after. I’ve never joined a pubquiz before, so that was a new experience. Top of that, our team won 3rd price: a cocktail. Very nice.

Skipped church on Sunday, played Sims all Sunday. And now it’s another Monday.

What’s new?

Saw my new dentist last Monday. What a fun experience that was. With a fake smile they called me in while mispronouncing my name. I was too nervous, so I fake smile my way through it too and sit down in the dentist chair. A needle gets jammed in my mouth and then without saying a word they just leave for an hour. By the time they were back, I was so dazed and confused. Nothing beats the feeling of being treated like livestock in a slaughterhouse. I could vaguely hear them gossiping about another patient. I was quite annoyed by that, but unable to say a thing, because my mouth was numb and full of working hands. By the time they were done, they old my they ran out of time. We would have to reschedule. So this week I have two more dentist appointments. I have one today and another one this Thursday. I am so looking forward to more slaughterhouse experiences this week.

Last Tuesday I had my 1st consult with the shrink. From now on I will have an appointment with the shrink every Tuesday. The appointments are online, which is very convenient because I don’t have to leave the comfort of my own home. And yet I have mixed feelings, to be honest. Apparently it should be good for me, to dust off old forgotten cows and dig up skeletons. I’m really bad at sharing my true feelings, because I’m so used to pretending everything is ok. Fake a smile, suck it up and just move on. But that’s getting old.

There’s comfort in a routine, when some things seemingly stay the same. It’s scary but exciting when things change, when there’s new things on the way. I just don’t know. Will see what tomorrow brings.