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They live on their own time. It’s know amongst Indonesian people as “jam karet” which means “time is elastic”. There’s no use in getting mad a them for it. They’ve lived like that all their lives and for generations to come. No hurry, no stress. If it can’t be done today it might be done tomorrow and there’s always next week to try again. It’s either a very relaxing mentality or a very nerve wrecking one.

I tend to worry a lot. I tend to worry about time and how much of it we have. I worry for others. Honestly, I’ve been feeling emotionaly and physically drained.

So much that is going on. Drama never comes alone. Rushing from work, to church, to my dad, to my mom and so on. Nonstop it just goes.

My father is a stubborn old man. He broke his hip last year, when he tried to pick up his car from the auto repair shop. In the hospital, the doctors not only fixed his hips. They also recommended that he needs to go to a retirement home. Because the doctors could see that my dad was unable to take care of himself.

I don’t think he ever was able to take care of himself. For years, it felt like dealing with an adult baby. He wouldn’t shower for weeks and only wanted to eat lasagna every day. He would buy bananas and wait until the they turned all black and furry before he would eat them. He would set his microwave oven on 1 hour cooking with an empty plate inside of it. Then he would call me and say that the Russians gave him a bad microwave. And if I could fix it all for him. I tried for years to find proper help. But dad didn’t need any help. He was doing just fine. His GP didn’t care either.

Thank God, he broke his hip last year. Thank God, the doctors at the hospital saw that he was becoming a risk for himself and for others. My father wasn’t too happy about it. He was very angry at me, blaming me that he was going to “old people jail”. I had to arrange my father moving to a retirement home, clean up his old house, lots of paper work and pay his bills. It was for the best. Now I visit him every weekend, with as less stressful feeling. Knowing that he won’t set his microwave on fire, or crash his car into a lamp post.

While I was coping with my dad, things weren’t that great with my job either. The company I work for, has had managers coming and going for years now. Each year a new one. Most of them were pretty cool. I’ve been working for this company for 4 years now. And last year, they hired yet another new manager.

This new manager was alright too. You could have a proper conversation with him during, not a total bad guy. But at the same time, this guy was giving me and my coworkers a hard time. It was almost as if this they hired this new manager, to try and clear the workfloor. To have people quit the job by themselves. I really didn’t want to quit this job, because I get to work from home and it pays well. Then earlier this year, that new manager quit on his own. And I still have my job.

During all this, I wasn’t going to church as often as I did before. I’ve been a part of this Indonesian church family for 10 years. My mother is very active in this church and so is my brother. We’ve seen ups and downs with this church. A lot has changed after corona…. A lot more people came to our church back then. And we used to have a church band. But now, I’m a “worship leader” with a karaoke machine.

To be honest, things weren’t that great in church even before corona time. Setting up band practice or meetings in general was such a hassle. Everyone came on their own time, or not at all at one point. It felt like I was trying to pull a dead horse.

Being active in church should be a joyful experience. And it was joyful for the most part. But it also gave me a lot of stress. And it feels wrong to say that about church. That church can feel stressfull. But I honestly feel a lot better, now that I don’t go to that church every Sunday.

I had to hit the brakes. Reduce the stress. Trying to let go of the worry. Try to do things in my own time and at my own pace. If it won’t happen today, it might happen tomorrow and otherwise there’s always next week. One day at a time.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 

- Matthew 6:34